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Blog
Written by: Kartik Nair
Before
I start writing this blog on how to deal
with failures and achieve your goals, allow me to begin with a simple
question: What is the first thing that comes to your mind looking at the
following words – dreams, failures, and
successes? More often than not, if logic and popular trends are to be
believed, they are nothing but a series of events that happens across an
individual’s life, whenever something is attempted to be pursued. It all starts
with a dream. It then moves towards a more streamlined goal. Then, steps are
laid out, and a plan is created. The execution part comes next. The result
follows. If this were true, all of us would have been successful in all our
endeavors; we would never taste failures. But we do fail. If things are so
streamlined and straightforward, why do things not go our way 'as expected'?
Time
for one more flashback-Go back in your past and think of a moment, a time in
your life where things didn't go as planned. In other words, you didn't meet
your goal. You were at a low point in your life. But. You worked it out. You
were successful. Again, as we, humans are more negative than positive, we tend to view our failures as more
significant events in our lives than successes. Why is that? How can we
overcome this habit? In general, how can we look at failures of our past more positively to reduce failures of
the future? How can we make our dreams more realistic, and how can we actually
follow them to where we want to be? It's all there in this blog on how to overcome failure.
What is Failure? What is the definition of failure?
In a
nutshell, failure is the inability to meet your own goals or expectations or
targets for that matter. We like to get what we think of, what we dream.
Sometimes we get, in other times we don’t. I am not a mathematician, but the
chances of you succeeding, in any event, you try to do are 50%. Basic
probability (considering an event of two outcomes)
.
Probability (/prɒbəˈbɪlɪti/) – the quality or state of being probable; the
extent to which something is likely to happen or be the case. (Basically how
likely something is to happen)
Think
of it as the two sides of a coin. When a coin is tossed, the outcome is either
heads or tails. In real life, when you set out to do something, the outcome is
balanced: You may fail. You may succeed. But unlike random events in
probability, in real life, our actions determine the results or consequences,
and therefore, there is, a direct correlation between what we do, who we are,
how we go about things (and a lot of other things for that matter) and getting
the desired result. Before I start talking about failure, here's a little
exercise for you. I'm about to show you an image (It is one of the best
pictures I've ever seen, a meaningful one, one I hold genuinely dear) – And you
have to see the images and think of a storyline. How? What? Why? When? Where?
For that matter, once you read this entire blog, you can get back to me with
your story, your understanding of this image. But that's for later. Here you
go!
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| Source: Internet |
A
remarkable image this one, isn't it? I'm sure you may have your own
imaginations or stories, which you can share with me if you feel like. But one
thing, I'm sure you might have thought of is a failure of achievement of
dreams, inability to do what he wants, giving in on his dreams, losing faith in
himself and his abilities, trying to cope with failure, etc. (You may have been
more creative and may have thought of something way differently as well!)
As you
can see from the image and relate a certain part of it with your life, one
thing is sure: failure is scary, and
obviously, the emotional baggage of
it is too heavy to carry. For a large number of us, failure becomes a mirror
image of our self-worth and our talent, and therefore, we tend to view a
goal-failure as a personal one. I sort, of like the Gen-X approach in this
regard. More than we did, today, failure is considered to be an integral
component of success. Failure allows us to learn from our mistakes, errors and
teaches us what steps to continue and what to stop, where to stop, etc.
But, what about quitting before you reach your goal? How different is it from failing?
Think
of this. You’ve invested a lot of your time, money and energy in the pursuit of
something and you live your dream, but due to a few reasons, you tend to find
the path of goal attainment hard and not achievable, and so, you give up.
That’s quitting. It is different
from failure, in the regard that someone has at least 'tried' performing,
irrespective of the consequences. Quitters are, therefore, different in this
regard. Naturally, our reaction to quitting is, therefore, different from our
reaction with failure. Personally, I would find trying and failing more
acceptable than quitting. Thus, failure
indicates strength and quitting implies weakness. We tend to admire people
who despite failures and adversities, tend to follow their passion or goals and
achieve what they desired. Kudos to their perseverance and dedication. But we
are mostly unsympathetic to quitters. Losers, we call them!
This
very perception becomes ingrained in people, and it gives rise to the anti-quitter bias. This ends up getting
people stuck in toxic relationships, thankless jobs, etc. The very fear of
quitting makes them work harder, without getting much in return and in turn, it
adds up to massive costs in a person's mental and emotional well-being. But what
if there's some unattainable goal? Given this situation, one might argue that
quitting is a viable option. Frequent failure drains you, both mentally and
physically. Sometimes, it is better to just let go. Letting go (sounds cooler than quitting, right?) of something unattainable gives us more freedom and
opportunities to pursue other goals, and we can use the time and resources to
other goals. Just think about using the same level of energy, time and
resources to doing something you genuinely like. Quitting, therefore is not a
hindrance to growth.
The
mad rush around us and the rat race that we’ve all heard of kills our ability
and desire of who we actually want to be. There are a lot of distractions,
probably at every step. When I was going through various sources for this blog,
I stumbled upon this beautiful line, "Life is like a constant game of
poker; the game never stops. You can stop playing; you can give up, but the
game keeps going. And life generously tries to keep us in the game by offering
us new cards each day." Think of the new cards as challenges and
opportunities and life as a game in which you are the sole controller and
things may seem a little bit less hazy. Often, in life, we’ve become good at
seeking things to help us justify why we can’t reach our true potential. Going
back to the poker example, it's just because of the fact that whenever we are
dealt with cards (when we face the truth or challenging moments of life), -We
need to think and run the risk of going out of what we have, of our comfort
zone. Always remember this: If we choose not to play, we are guaranteed to
lose.
But why do we fail? Why do we quit? What are these things which make us give up?
If
you’ve read till this point, I’ll presume that you have a few goals or aspirations
of your own that you want to achieve (or maybe you just like reading my
blogs!). Well, all jokes apart, here I am about to share a couple of reasons
with you, which, as I think, tend to stand in your way of achieving your dream,
or your goal. You may have other reasons as well. But, most importantly, things
are primarily in our mind, and therefore can be controlled. At the end of the
day, you need to realize what you could possibly be doing wrong so that you can
actually work upon it.
·
Unwilling to put in efforts: Now, what can I say about
this? (Yes, this is one of the biggest reasons for failure). People just don't
want to put in the work required. Work and success are proportional and non-negotiable. For successful people,
there will be hours and years of hard work backing them.
·
Unwilling to face Failure: Failure is inevitable.
Period. It just is. There is no denying this fact. A large number of successful
people fail many times in their pursuit of success. Think of any person who is
'successful', and you'll find a bed of thorns than a blanket of roses.
Setbacks, adversities and challenges are shared similarities. Handling rejection is also an important
aspect of one’s journey. You can't please everyone, and you tend to ask
yourselves, "What will others think?" People may like or hate you,
and will even do so when you are successful.
·
Having no Goals or Ambitions: What if you travel to some
destination without having a clear route-map? We may reach our destination, but
that inner feeling of getting lost is there to stay and haunt you. You can have
realistic, time-bound, and actionable or outcome-based goals to work upon.
However, if it goes overboard and if you end up with unrealistic or crazy
goals, you are bound to fail again. You
also need to have compelling reasons that drive you towards your goal. They
keep you motivated and ask to take continuous action to get to your goal.
·
Lack of Patience: Rome was not built in a day.
Look for long-term gains instead of shorter ones. People want to become successful
overnight and therefore adopt to ‘secret
measures and instant success formulae’ only to end up losing their money,
with tons of rejection and a ride back to square one.
·
Negative Attitude: When something doesn’t seem
to be working our way, we tend to view all things around you with a sore eye. When
you’re not in your right mental condition, you’ll be focusing on the things
that are not working and things you
can’t control.
So, how can we work on them? How to deal with and cope with failure? How to deal with setbacks?
If we
travel in life, say, with a GPS device, when we travel, we are bound to get
back on track and keep going till the end if we enter the correct location
grids. In the same way, life will find you to your destination if you pursue your goals appropriately. If you feel
lost, reconnect with yourself and get back on track. When you admit failure, you don't lose out; you
are just made aware of a new direction you didn't consider before. One of my
girlfriends once told me, “We do not get
everything, always as planned.” Rightfully, as a young and an ignorant
young adult, back then, I ignored it, but looking back, that statement has some
value. I have failed in a lot of my endeavours and will fail in the future too.
But I won’t stop learning from them. They make my achievements and successes
sweet and worth it. Trust me, they’ll make
your win worth it. Here are a few of my suggestions on how to cope with,
how to deal with failure:
- Stop Being Hard on Yourself: This is perhaps one thing I've most witnessed in people and often, myself in all these years. When things go wrong, we tend to blame ourselves and tend to use that failure as an indication that we are not adequate. However, I ask you to take a moment to think about how you'd explain to a loved one if they were in this situation. Try doing that to yourself. Better said than done, but it helps reduce the pain. The less harsh you are on yourself in the bad times, the quicker you'll hit back.
- Be Honest with Yourself: Until you honestly admit to yourself about what actually happened with you, you can never fix what happened. Stop justifying what happened. You need not pretend everything's okay when it's not. Self-reflection is hard, it hurts, but instead get the feedback from your own self and work on it than wait for someone to come tell you. Again, you need not prove anything to others.
- Get to Know Yourself: Wait? What? The truth is: Only you know yourself. Sometimes, that isn't true as well. You're not yourself. You are an 'ideal person' someone wants you to be, buried deep under who your true characteristics. In the passing of time, you've convinced yourself of your plastic existence. Self-awareness is essential, and you need to steer your life-not anyone else, no matter how close they are. They cannot be you.
- Take Out your own Time and Space: When you feel bad and need to acknowledge your feelings, do so. Don't hold back. Be yourself and let your emotions come out whenever you feel like. If you hold them, it will someday balloon-up and burst, pushing you in more mental trouble. Don’t expect anyone to lend a shoulder to you. You need to develop the habit of taking charge of your emotions.
- Acknowledge Failure: Hopefully, by now, you might
have realized that failure is not something to be afraid of. It happens to
everyone. What differentiates a 'normal' and a 'successful' person is their ability in dealing with it. When things
don't go your way, there is no need to be ashamed about it or pretend that it's
all fine. We need to accept them if we want to learn from them.
- Learn from Failures: In tests, competitions,
sports, exams, challenges and even life, no matter what the outcome is, there
is always a lesson. Recognize what went
wrong and make genuine attempts to work on it than avoid it. This quality
may motivate you further to achieve greater success in life by converting your
weakness into your strength.
- Have Hope: There's always light at the
end of a tunnel. Aim for it. Visualize it. Work for it. Think about it. One
day, dear reader, you will be there.
If you seem lost, just think about what you truly want to achieve, and you will
be back on track in no time.
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